that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You left your phone here
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