wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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