She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
