I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
