Cold hands, warm shart.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
