She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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