What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
