It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
