Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Farmville is her only friend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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