Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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