What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
