As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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