she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
