YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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