I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
