I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
