Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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