went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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