I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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