Heybabeimwearingurpanties
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
