Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
