Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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