i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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