I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
