he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
