upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize