eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize