you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
