But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
