You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
