As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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