maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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