C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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