If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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