I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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