If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
