i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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