I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize