so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
