he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
