Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
