I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize