i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
