This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
