you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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