My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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