The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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