sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
