in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize