At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
