I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
