i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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