Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
