Well douche your snatch and let's go!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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