Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
