she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize