you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
