God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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