if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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