The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
