I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Boobs are out for the taking
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
