She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
