im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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