Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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