The maid of honor just puked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
