great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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