if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
