so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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