I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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