if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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