you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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