I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
