the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
