she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Randomize
