I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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