Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
