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You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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