Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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