Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
