I'm going to jail i love you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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