She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
