He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
