this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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