Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
